The “Sex Talk”

If you’ve ever had the “sex talk” with your kids, or you still have that moment to look forward to, let me tell you how it went for us last night (hopefully they won’t kill me when they grow up and find this post). 

We had the talk with our two older sons, Spencer (10 yrs old) & Kaden (8 yrs old).

It was a fun, hilarious, serious, and fascinating experience for everyone.

The night started with a great dinner prepared by Jill, complete with locally grow, fresh corn-on-the-cob.  Yes, that’s relevant to the story. But no, not in the way you’re thinking.  Get your mind out of the gutter.

Before we get into it, you need to understand Spencer & Kaden.  Spencer is the attentive, logical, scientific, good student.  He accepts what you say as gospel and tends to be very obedient.  Kaden often seems to be aloof – off in his own creative world.  Yet, he’s always listening.  He’s the deep thinker.  You wouldn’t always know it, but he has deep insight into many things.

With our medical backgrounds, Jill and I planned to approach the talk from a scientific standpoint first and then transition into a discussion of morality, chastity, and obedience.  We paper-clipped the necessary diagrams, photos, and laproscopic images, made a quick game plan, and jumped right into the discussion.

Since the boys were aware of Jill’s surgery last year, we figured we’d start there.  We explained that mom can’t have babies anymore because she doesn’t have a uterus.  At this point, the boys were attentive and following just fine.

Then we got into how a baby grows inside the uterus.  We showed diagrams of an egg coming from the ovary (from mom) and sperm (from dad) joining the egg and creating cell that splits over and over again and grows into a baby.  During this time, Spencer was nodding his head, following along just fine.  It all made perfect sense to him.  Kaden, on the other hand, held a perplexed look on his face until finally he blurted, “Wait! How did that sperm get in there?”

It’s not necessarily a funny question, but it broke the tension Jill and I were feeling and we all ended up laughing pretty hard.

After we finished explaining how the baby grows inside the mom, along with all of the female anatomy (met with Kaden hysterically laughing – to the point of crying) it was time to explain male anatomy.  More laughing and rolling on the floor.

Puberty was the next topic.  They both thought growing hair in their armpits was a rather hilarious subject.  I explained all the changes that their bodies would be going through including changes below the waist, acne, muscle growth, hair in various places, and a deepening voice.  We spent a few minutes talking about how the development of an “Adam’s Apple” causes a guy’s voice to get deeper.  Right in the middle of that discussion, Spencer blurted “Finally!!!!”  Jill and I thought for sure he was excited to finally develop a deeper voice.  But his sentence continued, “Finally!!!! I got the corn out of my teeth!”  Jill and I busted up with nervous laughter (because the big stuff was still coming).

As we got to the point where we actually had to tell them EXACTLY how all this works, I realized that I hadn’t rehearsed that part in my head beforehand.  So, I went in circles a few times trying to find the words.  I could feel Jill tensing up, probably wondering why the heck I wasn’t just getting to the punch line.  Well, the punch line eventually came and it was met with acceptance from Spencer and total confusion from Kaden.  Don’t get me wrong, he understood completely what we had just explained.  He was just mentally trying to figure out the logistics.

He abruptly stood up, thrust his hips forward, and said “So, you just stick it in there?”  Again, the ice-breaker.  Jill and I were immediately rolling.

Needless to say, it was a great experience for all of us (I think).  Jill and I hope it’s the start of many talks with our boys and relationships where they can be 100% open and honest with us.  They’re good boys.  We love them to death.